Gaza Metropolis – In a sweltering tent at Gaza’s port, 45-year-old Iman al-Rahel readies her household for lunchtime.
She sends her 13-year-old son, Yazen, to fetch meals from the close by takiyya, or group kitchen.
“I feel they’re serving rice at this time,” she whispers to her daughter, a faint smile easing throughout her drained face.
However that transient smile vanishes when the dialog turns to a different doable wave of displacement after Israel’s newest announcement that it plans to grab Gaza Metropolis.
“God forbid,” she says, urgent her hand in opposition to her chest. “I solely pray that this received’t occur, that we received’t be compelled to go away for the south.”
Nonetheless, Iman says, if Israel have been to formally order an evacuation, she could be among the many first to go to southern Gaza, “with out hesitation”.
The mom of 5 stayed in Beit Lahiya in northern Gaza through the Israeli invasion within the early levels of the conflict after it started in October 2023, shifting her household from one shelter to a different as tanks superior and the bombardment intensified.
“I can’t neglect a second of that point,” Iman says quietly. “In Beit Lahiya, the college we have been sheltering in was besieged by tanks and snipers final December. My 23-year-old son [Abdullah] was shot within the neck on the time, as was my husband. They barely survived earlier than we have been lastly allowed to maneuver to western Gaza Metropolis.
“I noticed killings, executions, sniping, arrests, physique components, bombardment, and focused assaults,” she provides bitterly. “There are issues that I can describe, and others that I can not.”
Survival was not nearly avoiding Israeli bombs and snipers, but additionally about discovering sufficient to eat as Israel made it more and more troublesome for humanitarian help to enter Gaza.
“We used to gather weeds, herbs, and khubeiza [mallow] leaves from the fields and prepare dinner them for the kids. That was our solely meals, together with floor animal fodder or barley as an alternative choice to [wheat] flour when out there,” she remembers.
It’s a place Iman by no means needs to be in once more.
“I felt overwhelming remorse and guilt towards my youngsters and husband as a result of I insisted on staying within the north as a substitute of evacuating south,” Iman says with a tragic smile.
“I might by no means repeat that have. If there’s one other displacement, I’ll go away instantly with out hesitation.”
Unattainable to go south
However not everybody within the al-Rahel household agrees.
Iman’s eldest daughter, 24-year-old Ghadeer al-Rahel, interrupts.
“I’ll by no means go south once more. Unattainable,” she says adamantly. “You may go, however I’ll keep right here within the north, it doesn’t matter what.”
Ghadeer had evacuated to the south along with her husband and toddler daughter in early November 2023.
Her phrases contact on an ongoing debate between Palestinians in Gaza, even inside households. For some, the very best probability of survival is leaving areas Israel is conducting navy operations in, whereas others level out that shifting to different areas doesn’t essentially guarantee security, and likewise makes it harder to seek out correct shelter, meals and water.
Every member of the family speaks from their very own expertise, which has shaped their perspective.
“You haven’t lived by the horrors of staying within the north. In the event you had, you wouldn’t even consider remaining,” Iman tells her daughter.
Ghadeer retorts instantly: “And also you, my mom, father, and brothers, you haven’t skilled the hardship of displacement both: shifting from place to position, dwelling in camps and unknown areas of the south with out water or meals, in insufferable situations.”
Ghadeer continues, attempting to persuade the remainder of her household.
“We fled my husband’s household house within the north of Gaza below bombardment. We handed by the Israeli checkpoint on Salah al-Din highway with our fingers raised, tanks in entrance of us. We went to Khan Younis, then it was evacuated. Then to Rafah, then that, too, was declared evacuated. Then to al-Mawasi in Khan Younis.”
“It was humiliation and struggling past phrases,” she provides. “In Rafah, the overcrowding of the displaced was insufferable. My tent was in the course of the road as a result of there was no area. On prime of that got here the rain, the chilly, and the dearth of meals and water.”
Ghadeer bursts into tears as she speaks of feeling remoted, minimize off from her household within the north for greater than three months between December 2023 and February 2024, when the communications networks collapsed.
“My child, simply six months outdated on the time – she’s two years outdated now – received so sick, hospitalised with intestinal issues,” Ghadeer sobs, as she tells the story of her daughter Ayloul.
“I wanted my mom and my household beside me, however I used to be alone and didn’t even understand how they have been doing.
“For therefore lengthy, I prayed simply to listen to their voices, to see them once more, to know they have been alive. I can always remember the struggling I endured alone throughout displacement,” she provides, tears streaming down her face, whereas her mom, sitting silently with the remainder of the household, additionally begins to cry.
“That’s the reason I’ll by no means go south once more, it doesn’t matter what. I need to keep right here,” Ghadeer declares defiantly.
The household debate reaches no conclusion. Ghadeer insists on staying, whereas her household insists on evacuating.
“This isn’t about what you are feeling like. We received’t go away you, it doesn’t matter what. You’re coming with us,” says her brother Abdullah.
Ghadeer doesn’t reply, whereas her mom responds solely with prayers and pleas that they by no means face displacement once more.
“We’ve had sufficient. The place are individuals alleged to go? How can they bear the torment of displacement south once more? Simply fascinated about it’s maddening,” says Iman.
“We’ve grown accustomed to disasters, and to the concept what’s coming is all the time worse. However we pray to God to allow us to stay right here within the north,” she says. “But when we’re compelled below bombardment and demise, what can we do?”
Households divided
This divide between Iman and Ghadeer is current amongst many Gaza households, torn between staying and leaving.
Abdul Hamid Abu Awda, 71, and his 50-year-old spouse, Reem, are additionally locked in debate with their youngsters, who evacuated south through the first part of the conflict.
Abdul Hamid and Reem insisted on staying of their house in Jabalia refugee camp, close to Gaza Metropolis, though they urged their six youngsters and their households to move south.
“My pondering was that my grandchildren are younger, and my little kids nonetheless have obligations. However I’m an outdated man, with solely my spouse. Why ought to I flee south?” Abdul Hamid tells Al Jazeera, leaning on a mattress outdoors his tent dealing with the ocean.
However now, he has modified his thoughts, aligning himself along with his youngsters’s choice to evacuate south if official orders come.
“My well being shouldn’t be good. My spouse and I want care, and we need to keep close to our kids. I’ve left the choice to them. In the event that they go, I’ll go together with them,” he says.
Staying within the north was by no means simple, Abdul Hamid recounts, telling of the troublesome expertise of shifting along with his spouse from shelter centres to United Nations faculties.
“[It was] terrifying, and we barely survived it. Tanks, floor invasion, hunger, sniping, arrests. Repeating it’s not simple. This time, if it occurs, will probably be much more violent and brutal.”
His 41-year-old son, Hussein, who went south along with his household and siblings in October 2023, agrees.
“If they are saying evacuate, I’ll evacuate once more. We’re unarmed civilians. We’ve no energy, no weapons, no tanks to remain and combat with,” he shrugs.
“Sure, displacement is the harshest choice of all. I’ve lived it and know its bitterness. However what else can I do? I don’t need to die.”
Nonetheless, Hussein’s sister, 38-year-old Manal, disagrees.
“As for me, I need to die right here,” she says.
Manal recounts to Al Jazeera her dream of leaving Gaza and emigrating earlier than the conflict.
“Life in Gaza was already laborious, and I wished to go away,” she explains. “I, too, evacuated with my siblings to the south, and it was a bitter expertise.”
It was so bitter that she now insists on staying.
“I need to go away if and once I select. I need to resolve for myself whether or not to remain in Gaza or go away. I’m sick of being compelled to go the place they dictate,” she says.
The household falls silent at her phrases, however her father interrupts.
“Alright then, we’ll simply ship you off to Switzerland now?” Everybody bursts into laughter.
“You speak as if Israel asks our opinion or cares about our needs. I’m positive for those who noticed a tank on the finish of the road, you’d change your thoughts instantly,” Abdul Hamid says.
The laughter at his darkish humour continues.
“All we hope for is that we received’t face displacement once more. We thought the bombardment was the worst factor. Then got here starvation, and we thought that was the worst. Now comes displacement,” Abdul Hamid provides. “However now we are saying, we’d relatively starve than be displaced once more.”
