“OK, I believe we bought that. Can we —” [RADIO CHATTER] [SIRENS] “Hey, [INAUDIBLE] two-and- a-half-inch reside [INAUDIBLE] fireplace exterior.” [EXPLOSION] [BREATHING] [MUFFLED SHOUTING] “My brother was working along with his crew, simply across the nook to the appropriate. And I believed, ‘Dave’s lifeless.’ And so I went again to the place the roof was on the bottom now, and our hose line was inside. And I believed, ‘OK, Dave’s on the finish of this hose line.’ And so I’m attempting to get my helmet flat to the bottom, and I solely may see this a lot below. And I’m attempting to shine with the sunshine, and I don’t see anyone.” [SHOUTING] “Seize the road. Seize the road.” [BEEPING] “Are you OK with IVs, I’m assuming?” “Yeah.” “OK.” “What’s up, bro?” “We’re going to do meditation, drop you in a little bit bit. And I’m going to learn you a poem, the place I’m doing the work.” “Yeah, man.” “So keep in mind the stance that we go right into a psychedelic expertise is curiosity, openness, give up and belief.” “Yep.” “How are you feeling proper now?” “Good. It’s kicked in.” “Mm-hmm. How do know?” “Very calm, very at peace.” “Mm-hmm. What can be therapeutic for you?” [SIGHS] “Hey, that’s a [EXPLETIVE].” “Yeah. Spend a while with that. I don’t know. I don’t know what the therapeutic is, man. Yeah. Mike, I don’t wish to go down the highway proper now.” “OK.” “Nope.” “OK.” “I don’t.” “What I’m noticing is there may be some hesitancy and, perhaps, a bent to keep away from a few of these deeper wounds.” “Yeah.” “To actually drop in and keep there.” “Yeah, yeah.” “Are you nervous?” “Oh, yeah. It’s highly effective. I don’t see why somebody would wish to go do a bunch of ketamine and rave all night time.” [LAUGHS] “There was a degree the place it was like, ‘Oh, yeah, I can occasion with this.’ After which it’s like, uh-uh.” “Yeah.” “It was simply the place it was. And I don’t wish to be uncontrolled.” “Yeah.” “It was virtually paralyzing.” “Yeah, I really feel you.” “Once I was sitting there, I felt like I weighed a bazillion kilos and I couldn’t transfer. It was bizarre.” “Get your butt out of my face.” [LAUGHS] “Get her.” “No.” “Get her. Get her.” [SNORES] [SIRENS] [RADIO CHATTER] “Yeah, any individual on rely of three, we’ll slide it below. Coming in good and straightforward.” [BEEPING] “Good, good.” [BEEPING FADES] “I believe it was identical to a bell curve, man. It simply went up, after which I doubted my existence. Then if I misplaced one thing, it was irritating. It’s like, oh, , when you might have one thing to say and also you’re like, ‘I wish to —’ after which it was gone. He’s like, ‘Simply let it go.’ And as fast as he stated, ‘Let it go,’ and I stated, ‘Yep, I’m going to let it go,’ there was no going again to it. I didn’t care anymore. There was no frustration. It was like, on to the following factor. Most likely your children —” “That’s how they reside.” ”— they’re like, ‘Oh, have a look at the grasshopper. Oh, right here’s a rock. Look how cool this rock is.’” “You woke me off the bed on the butt morning time.” “Solar’s been up for an hour and a half. So I do know it most likely sucks for you that her and I aren’t capable of father or mother like a number of dad and mom can or they co-parent.” “Yeah.” “Inform me what you’re feeling.” [TEARFULLY] “I don’t know. I simply really feel like I put a lot into having a very good, wholesome relationship and I’m getting nothing in return.” “Completely, honey.” “And it’s not wholesome.” “I’m sorry. I do know you’re heartbroken. It ain’t you.” “Did you progress to that new station they’re placing in?” “Yeah. Yeah. I like you.” “Love you, too.” “So at this state, I simply want to acknowledge that I nonetheless will be like, ‘Nope, I’m not going there.’” “Yeah. You’re in management.” “Or I will be like, ‘Yep, I’m going there.’” “Right.” “So we’re going to [EXPLETIVE] do that, Mike.” “OK.” “We’re going to go deep.” “I used to be feeling some feelings a minute in the past.” “What have been you feeling?” “Yeah, I simply bought cellphone with Kevin earlier than I got here down right here. Did I let you know that they took the knee down?” “They took it off?” “Yeah.” “Shoot.” “Yeah. I’m like, ’[EXPLETIVE], man.’” “Man, a number of your brothers have been beat up within the line of responsibility.” “Yeah.” “You’ve misplaced associates. You’ve watched a number of issues, man.” “I like that man.” “I do know you do. You’re feeling for him, too. Really feel it. At the moment is about feeling that love. A lot sacrifice in your line of labor.” “I want I may change it for him.” “Mm.” “[EXPLETIVE].” “A part of what you guys don’t get to do on this subject is grieve. My police, SWAT, E.M.T.s, paramedics — a lot trauma and never sufficient permitting of grief. I believe there’s nonetheless some stuff in there so that you can discover about what it was wish to be put in conditions that have been actually threatening. And there’s ache there.” “Yeah.” [TENDER MUSIC] “So once you got here up right here and also you have been planning on committing suicide, why didn’t you name me?” “I simply didn’t consider that my life may get that difficult.” “Proper.” “I didn’t know remedy it.” “Proper.” “And my core values are provision and safety and passions. And it’s like I didn’t really feel alive. Waking up daily super- anxious to the purpose the place you await — you await nighttime to fall asleep once more, for months on finish, is bodily exhausting.” “Yeah.” “It’s an emotional marathon that I pray I can — if I’ve something to say to anybody, simply [EXPLETIVE] hold on.” “Get across the ones you like and hold the [EXPLETIVE] on, as a result of pleasure will be across the nook, however you’ve actually bought to be on the lookout for it.” “Yeah. I simply hated my first counseling appointment, feeling so ashamed to should go, as a result of no person coached me on cope with a girl crumpled up in a automobile that was lifeless. You then say, ‘We’re going to color the image the place you’re weak should you go get assist,’ the hearth service, proper?” “Mm-hmm.” “It’s like, there needs to be no person held again by feeling disgrace or guilt or lesser than by going to get assist.” [FIRE CRACKLES] “I discovered why I see myself as a failure.” “You simply figured that out within the first two pages of your ebook?” [LAUGHS] “Properly, it’s such a thoughts sport at 14. There’s issues in life that scare me, and I’ll run right into a home on fireplace all day earlier than I’ve to return to being a 14-year-old on this world. Numerous stuff there, and it comes with no ebook on ‘Hey, right here’s the way you do 14. Right here’s the way you do 13.’” “Yeah.” “And that’s the place you take up issues like a sponge, whether or not good, unhealthy or detached. And then you definately base your selections off that, going ahead.” “For the remainder of your life, yeah.” “And that’s what I’m discovering out by my remedy. It was like, huh. Some issues, it’s like, ‘Oh, I’ve to suppose otherwise.’” “Yeah.” — “Have a very good night time.” — “Happy with you.” “Thanks.” “Yep. You’re getting educated on the appropriate stuff.” “Hopefully.” “I’ll helps if you know the way your thoughts ticks and why it ticks the best way it ticks.” “Yeah.” “Love you.” “Love you, too.” “All proper, let’s do that, Mike. I would like this [EXPLETIVE] factor dug up. I would like that root out. I would like it thrown over the cliff.” “Properly, there’s a perception in there. There’s a perception that you just’re holding on to.” “Yeah, and I don’t know what it’s.” “Mm-hmm. Properly, I believe you had a number of stuff occur to you earlier that was survival oriented.” “Yeah.” “Is that true?” “Yeah.” “I used to be 8, perhaps 7. Yeah. Yeah, I used to be [EXPLETIVE] depressing, man. I cried myself to sleep yr after yr after yr.” “So, Rob, you’ve been telling me tales these final 3 times about terrible, scary occasions in your life as a toddler and teenager.” “And all of your time you spend now as an grownup is creating issues that assist folks be protected. When does Rob get to launch a few of that concern?” ”[EXPLETIVE], proper now. Possibly a part of that subsequent step is retiring. I didn’t let you know: I can retire in three days.” “Wow. What?” “Yeah.” “How do you are feeling about that?” “Dude, it’s scary.” “Yeah.” [EXHALES] “Yeah, as a result of what’s subsequent?” “Life.” “Yeah.” “Tribe, connection, function.” “What are you experiencing?” “That is bliss.” “Mm. Simply sit with that for a couple of moments.” [SOFT MUSIC] “This therapeutic is about therapeutic ourselves, actually. Exhibiting up for ourselves now in the best way we wanted then.” “Thanks.” [SNIFFLES] [EXHALES] [VOICE ON TELEVISION] “It may be actually arduous for many of us, even for us right here on the information. And there’s a useful resource in —” [SOMBER MUSIC] ”[INAUDIBLE]. Residential fireplace alarm at 1390.” “And I can simply really feel tears, however I wasn’t boo-hoo crying. It was identical to, huh. He’s like, ‘All proper, put your hand in your coronary heart. All proper,’ and he stated one thing.” “All proper.” “All proper.” “Good to see you, brother.” “Admire you.” “I like you.” “Love you, too. Thanks.” “Good luck.” “Watch this. Ah.” “What’s that in regards to the rating being tied?” “I’m solely on three proper now.” “Maintain on. Kenzie.” “What?” “Argh.” [VOICE ON SPEAKER] “Your sole consideration at this very second.” “Shut it. So once you stand right here, keep in mind it’s like this. And then you definately simply —” “I listened to a very good meditation at this time.” “Yeah? I learn a very good chapter at this time.” “What was your chapter on?” “I learn two — I learn 10 issues emotionally clever folks —” “Oh, yeah.” ”— don’t do.” “Proper.” “And I learn why folks we love turn out to be strangers once more.” “Why folks we love what?” “Turn out to be strangers once more or one thing like that.” “Are you able to share with me the Fireman’s Prayer?” ”‘When I’m referred to as to responsibility, God, wherever flames could rage, give me the power to avoid wasting life, no matter be its age. Assist me embrace a little bit youngster earlier than it’s too late or save an older individual from of horror of that destiny. Allow me to be alert and listen to the weakest shout and rapidly and effectively to place the hearth out. And, if in keeping with your will, I’ve to present my life, please bless along with your defending hand my youngsters and my spouse.’” [TENDER MUSIC] [FIRE CRACKLES] [STEAM HISSES]
